Survey Supports Budget Cuts

The statistical analysis for responsible fiscal stitch ups centre, today released a report on the benefits of reducing benefits for ‘the poor.’

The right dishonourable member for Wicket on the Wold, Sir Cuthbert Empire Breezeblock, told us, “This is great news for everybody. And proves our ‘tough love’ policies are going to work. This survey shows that stripping the poor of benefits may lead to a decline in obesity. No longer will they be able to afford ‘take away’ foods. Even really cheap ones. Everyone’s a winner, we’ll save money on health care and poor people will look more attractive.”

We asked Breezeblock if he’d seen a recent survey, that attributed poor nutrition to rising fruit and veg prices. “I’ve not seen it, which means we probably didn’t commission it, which means you should probably wipe your bottom on it. Either way, it’s irrelevant, our next budget will see to that.”

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